


And you left me with 11 letters

by midnight_blue_eyes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hospitals, Letters, M/M, Memories, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:03:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7714213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_blue_eyes/pseuds/midnight_blue_eyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all</p>
            </blockquote>





	And you left me with 11 letters

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this fic in January from [this](https://ldr13.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/openwhenenvelopes.jpg) and it was supposed to be a cute fic where Hinata goes away for a week to visit relatives and leaves cute letters for Kageyama...I don't know what happened.
> 
> Basically this is the multichaptered death fic no one asked for. The title of each chapter is the title of the letter. Every chapter will have 3 parts :  
> 1\. What's 'currently' happening, which is basically what Kageyama is thinking/feeling.  
> 2\. Flashbacks in Kageyama's POV which includes the events of the day that led Hinata to write whatever he wrote in the letters.  
> 3\. And Hinata's letter.
> 
> And if you have any questions regarding the fic, I respond faster [here](http://twitter.com/volleyballSWAGx)

"I'm home", His choked out words reverberated through the small empty apartment. Screaming silence welcomed him home instead of the warm voice he grew fond of over the years. It made him regret every time he had ever thought that silence would be more peaceful than hearing the constant loud chattering of—he cut off his train of thought and sighed, stepping in as quietly as he could.

 

>   
>  "What are you writing?” Tobio questioned as he lifted his head from the corner of the bed, it throbbed a little—when had he fallen asleep?  
>  "Letters" He sing-songed.  
>  "Letters?" From his seat, Tobio eyed the lithe figure sitting on the white hospital bed sheets—the sound of pen on paper and shallow breaths were their only escape from a haunting silence.  
>  Shouyou scribbled some more before turning his head towards the other "Yup! For you." He grinned.  
>  "But I'm right here, dumbass."  
>  "I know."  
>  "Then show me."

  
The sun was just beginning to set as he stumbled his way through the living room, illuminated with shades of a fading orange. The sky was tainted with a mournful gray—the sun's last rays of the day, he thought—filtering through the window. For a brief moment, he caught himself wondering if the sun would ever rise again. He took a deep breath in and made his way through the familiar, yet unfamiliar, place he called home. Dropping his bag in their room, he threw himself on the bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes. It wouldn't make a difference—no one was there to yell at him now. The sheets don't smell like sunshine anymore. He hates it.

 

>   
>  "Nope! You can't read them yet, promise me you won't."  
>  "Huh? Why not?"  
>  "Because I said so"  
>  "That's stupid"  
>  "Yeah, well so are you"  
>  Tobio rolled his eyes, but a small smile played on his lips, "So when can I read it?"  
>   The moment seemed to freeze as Shouyou softly whispered with a small smile on his face,"After…you know"  
>  And Tobio couldn’t remember what smiling felt like.

  
He pushed himself up from the bed ,every bone in his body screaming not to, and made his way to the forgotten bag that carried the lingering scent of disinfectants—a sickening reminder. He fumbled through it until he found the small orange paper bag—under layers of unfolded clothes a couple sizes too small for him—and pulled it out. He opened it and counted all 11 brightly colored envelopes before heading back to bed, this time sitting on it. He took out the first envelope and flipped it over, reading the familiar handwriting. He read the title once, twice, thrice, over and over, because it was something he always wanted to know. He's not sure if he does anymore. He starts reading.

  
_I have no idea about what I’m going to write haha even though I have so many things to say to you. It's really hard to put your emotions on paper okay! But more importantly, let me take a guess, you're on our bed right now, reading this while leaning on the bed's headboard, right? I know you so well!_

  
He did. He always did. He knew everything there was to know about the setter. Knew the curves of his graceful fingers, memorized the feel of his gentle touches, all the places where he was ticklish, what to say to lift his mood, to rile him up, to make him want to smack his head, he knew them all. Arguments seemed to end in a tangle of limbs and laughter, insults started to feel like home and challenges were promises. There wasn't a single side of him the redhead hadn't seen. And Tobio knew it all.

 

  
_So today was the day huh. I know it wasn't exactly the best day for either one of us._

  
Not the best? It was horrible. Unfamiliar hallways they both feared would become bitterly familiar. The suffocating smell of antiseptic. The first day. It became too real too fast and he was scared, so scared, while the shorter of the two just tried to comfort him even if it should've been the other way around. Time had never slipped away faster, and yet it still felt like a mortifying dream they were desperately trying to wake up from—he's still trying.

 

  
_But I'm still smiling while writing this. It's kinda hard to write when you're sleeping on my lap ahaha. I don't have the heart to move you away though, Tobio. You might be dreaming of something so sweet, I don't want to wake you up._

  
He was right. His dreams were so sweet, far better than the nightmare reality had become. He dreamt of a beautiful voice, and one twisted with pain and sorrow. He dreamt of warm fingers stroking his hair. He dreamt of vivid colors and he dreamt of forgotten memories. It was a sad dream, yes—but it was no nightmare.

 

  
_Plus, I think you always knew one of my favorite things to do was watch you sleep. Don't call me a creep, idiot, I know you do the same! But I can't help it. It's just, you always look so peaceful._

  
And he knows exactly how it feels because he had spent countless nights, fascinatingly watching the usual overly energetic and restless body grow still as sleep claimed him. His chest heaving up and down in a familiar rhythm, gentle even breathing and his face, in absolute bliss—until he started drooling all over their bed that is. The first time he saw the short middle blocker sleep was way back in high school—long before acknowledging his feelings for the other or their weirdly timed confessions. They were slumped on the back seats of the bus, dead tired from countless practice matches, when he sensed the boy grow unusually quiet. It wasn’t until he felt disheveled hair trickle his neck did he realize—Hinata had fallen asleep on him. Tobio had wondered why he gently brushed the other’s hair instead of shoving him away.

 

  
_You asked me today, for the first time, "Why are you always smiling?" Do you remember?_

  
Of course he remembered, remembered it like the back of his hand. How could he not? He kept it bottled in for so long—three weeks of denial—he couldn't anymore, not when tasting his favorite smile started to leave an aftertaste of betrayal.

 

>   
>  "Why are you always smiling?"  
>  "Hm?" He smiled again.  
>  That was the night he finally lost it, gave into his fears. He let the tears spill, along with the words he had been holding in.  
>  "Why, why why why why why why! Why are you smiling? When—"

  
_But how could I not? How could I not smile, when your answer to my question was "Because I'm busy looking at yours". How could I not smile when you told me that mine was your favorite?_

  
And Tobio knows what he's talking about, because he knew the redhead better than anyone else. He asked Tobio once, asked him why he doesn't smile that much around other people. His whispers of that night—a secret only witnessed by the sheets they were tangled in—were spoken between countless feather kisses and giggles, and he revealed his thoughts out loud for the first time.

 

  
_So I smiled. Because you told me you never wanted to see me cry again. Because you hated seeing me hurt. Because I wanted you to remember me this way; always smiling._

>   
>  "When—" you're leaving me, but he didn't say anything—he couldn't—not after looking at pale figure sitting on the bed. Shouyou was trying his best to smile, but his eyes never lied.

  
_But I cried. And it's all your fault stupid!! Stupid Kageyama, making me cry like that.. Haha aww you just squeezed your arms around me right now! So cute!!Sleeping Tobio is so cute! But you know, my stomach is cold because a certain cry baby decided to rub his tears all over my shirt._

  
Tobio let out a small breathy chuckle. He could see him getting all giggly over something as simple as a squeeze around his waist and then pout, just randomly blaming everything on Tobio. Wasn't he the cute one after all?

 

  
_Do you understand now? Why I always smile?_

>   
>  And he let his tears spill, clutching onto the back of Shouyou's shirt—burying his face further into his stomach. His desperate muffled cries filled the tasteless white room.  
>  "Don't. Don't go please. I'll do anything, just tell me what to do. What should I do? I'll do anything. So please. Please don't leave me Shouyou!"

  
Tobio bit his lip—the reason behind his smile, he thought about it a lot but all those thoughts were abandoned at the back of him mind, left unspoken. He wondered why.

 

>   
>  He felt a trembling hand caress his hair, ever so gently. It calmed down his rapidly beating heart. Shouyou did so many things to him, it was wrong, it wasn't fair—never will be. Two gentle hands lifted his face and he felt the other softly bump their foreheads together, before he felt something wet trickle down his own tear stained cheek—tears that weren't his.

  
_Because I know you're watching._

  
Always. He was always watching him, from the moment he first laid his eyes on the boy —until the end. He had looked so small in the huge gymnasium and Tobio could not fathom why he was even there. He watched as the boy shed tears through the fire in his eyes, determined to defeat him. He watched the short orange haired boy disappear from his life, only to come crashing down on him. He watched him blindly put faith in Tobio. And in the little time he wasn't looking, they had somehow managed to become best friends and then something more. He watched them grow together, laugh together, fight together, cry together. He watched it all. He even watched the boy slip away from him, he only watched and couldn't do a single thing about it.

 

>   
>  He opened his eyes and saw the boy smiling despite the tears flowing down. And he realized how stupid he was being, of course Shouyou didn't want to leave him, he promised he wouldn't, back in high school—when they were was still Hinata and Kageyama, not Shouyou and Tobio—in college and every time their fights took a turn for the worse. Going to bed together every night, waking up together every morning, bickering throughout the day, these were promises of a forever they would spend together, promises to reach a place on top of the world. Of course Shouyou didn't want to leave him, but he didn't have a choice.

  
_Because it makes you happy_

  
It did. Always. It suited him. His smile was a lingering warmth, like the heat of a hot day in summer—prickling at his skin. It could be a gentle breeze, swaying away all that has haunted him. It was a smile, only a smile, but it was so much more.

 

  
_Because you make me happy_

>   
>  "Shhh its okay" He whispered, as if it was a secret meant for the other's ears only and covered his face with chaste kisses—just the way Tobio had done for him countless times. The soft chants and the warm arms around him drifted the raven off to somewhere far more peaceful.
> 
> "I'm here, Tobio. I'm right here"

  
It was foolish to believe such a blatant lie, and yet, he still did. He still does. Because otherwise, it’s unfair. It’s unfair to mold someone's dreams, watch them grow and then shatter them to pieces; show them the beauty of the world, the intense vivid colors and then take away their sight. It’s cruel.

 

_Because I'm in love with you, silly. Isn't that reason enough to always smile?_

  
Don't just teach someone how to fly only to cut off their wings.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think, please?


End file.
